Dating with Anxiety

Dating with anxiety can be a very stressful experience but it is defintely doable. Dating in

general can be an anxiety invoking experience because you want to present your best self to

this new person and make a great impression which is a lot of pressure. When you have anxiety

almost all of your daily interactions are stressful because you tend overthink and catastrophize a

lot- did I talk too much, did I say the wrong things, I know they hate me, etc. When you meet a

potential partner for the first time the experience can be overwhelming because the anticipation

and anxious thoughts are compounded by the goal of making a romantic connection with the

other person. It can be helpful to tell yourself that maybe it won’t be romantic but maybe you’ll

make a new hiking buddy.

Using dating apps can actually be really helpful when you have anxiety. You get a “preview” of

the person. You can determine if you have the same interests which already gives you a topic of

conversation. You can filter out potential partners that would not be a good fit for your lifestyle as

well. If the potential partner enjoys riding their motorcycle every weekend and is looking for

someone to ride with them and you have a fear of motorcycles…probably not a good match. If

you are in recovery and the potential date is a frequent drinker and that makes you

uncomfortable…probably not a good match.

So you have been swiping through the dating app and found someone that interests you and

you matched- now what? The anxiety starts to kick in and you can’t imagine actually meeting up

with this person in real life. Start by exchanging contact information and suggest a time and day

for a quick phone call. This is a low risk way of beginning to get comfortable with this person.

What were the things you liked about their profile? Use those topics for conversation starters

and see how the conversation flows. Does your anxiety start to subside as you engage in

conversation with this person or does it ramp up? The energy of the other person can be really

good information for you. Do they calm your nerves by the organic flow of conversation or is it

awkward or creepy? Do they make statements you find offensive or are their values similar to

yours? If the conversation feels fairly easy and natural you can arrange a Video chat or move

straight to arranging a meeting in a place you feel safe and as comfortable as possible. Be

mindful of your internal dialogue. When clients begin ruminating on catastrophic thoughts- this is

going to be awful- I remind them that, yes, bad and awful things happen- but so do wonderful

and amazing things.